Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
