I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
