When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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