You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
