I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
