Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
