You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
