facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Every concussion has its silver lining
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
