oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
