dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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