all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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