it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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