ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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