its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
