i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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