I think i peed on brittanys purse
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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