So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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