why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
