I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im on a boat
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