normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
