you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
