He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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