Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You dont lie about slip and slides
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
