I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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