dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
