He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
