3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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