Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
