the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
