fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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