Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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