Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize