I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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