and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
