Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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