Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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