You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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