Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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