I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
