so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And then he peed in my hair
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