Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize