If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize