Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
