that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
