she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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