how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
