I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
