he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
