So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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