Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
