Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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