ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
