hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
