grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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