two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize