i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
