i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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