found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
