if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
