The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
