What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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