My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
