I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
