this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
