just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
