We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
