You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
