i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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