If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
