You can't motorboat a personality
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
