can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
