Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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