Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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