She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
