i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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