If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
