i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
