i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
