If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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