A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
