It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
