You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize