If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
