just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
