I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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