Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
