Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
